him: i dont want scratches on my car
it costs 480 just to have the front redone.
no thanks
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I am done with finals.
So I got onto Facebook chat and had this interesting conversation with my brother...
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thanksgiving :)
was alright.
Some unexpected people came over (which was a good and a bad thing depending on who's point of view you viewed it from) --- [boy, that sentence was weird.]
There was brandy.
There was lots of food.
A wine bottle exploded in the freezer.
My brother keeps tequila in his car.
My mother wonders why.
...All in all it was alright...except I missed a birthday gathering towards the end of the night from being exhausted. Maybe I was tired from cooking all day...or maybe, I was just tired. Either way, I wish I would've went...not in a "I really wanted to go out" way, but more like in a "I wanted to be there because you wanted me to be" way. :/
Some unexpected people came over (which was a good and a bad thing depending on who's point of view you viewed it from) --- [boy, that sentence was weird.]
There was brandy.
There was lots of food.
A wine bottle exploded in the freezer.
My brother keeps tequila in his car.
My mother wonders why.
...All in all it was alright...except I missed a birthday gathering towards the end of the night from being exhausted. Maybe I was tired from cooking all day...or maybe, I was just tired. Either way, I wish I would've went...not in a "I really wanted to go out" way, but more like in a "I wanted to be there because you wanted me to be" way. :/
...well, weekend is redemption spelled backwards
and upside down
without all the letters
and some extra ones added in.
and upside down
without all the letters
and some extra ones added in.
Monday, November 1, 2010
STRESS.
So I'm picking my classes for next semester.
I have 7.
I am taking 7 classes, that is, 22 credit hours (one is a 4 hour class).
7 college courses.
7 college courses as in,
Wait a second. Maybe not 7. Maybe not because they won't let me take 22 credit hours.
Maybe they won't.
I hope they will.
I need to graduate.
I have 7.
I am taking 7 classes, that is, 22 credit hours (one is a 4 hour class).
7 college courses.
7 college courses as in,
"Hey, remember Jay?"
-"Yeah, where has she been? I haven't seen her in a while."
"Oh, she's busy being raped by her 7 college courses."
-"Oh... sounds like her."
-"Yeah, where has she been? I haven't seen her in a while."
"Oh, she's busy being raped by her 7 college courses."
-"Oh... sounds like her."
Wait a second. Maybe not 7. Maybe not because they won't let me take 22 credit hours.
Maybe they won't.
I hope they will.
I need to graduate.
This is just stupid.
I just need someone to sign off a a degree for me, and I'll be done.
Maybe I'll ask if I can do that tomorrow...the degree sign-y thing.
Thethingswedofordegrees.
There's my hash tag for ya.
I just need someone to sign off a a degree for me, and I'll be done.
Maybe I'll ask if I can do that tomorrow...the degree sign-y thing.
Thethingswedofordegrees.
There's my hash tag for ya.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
"Normal" People.
I hate them.
What I mean to say is that a few friends of mine have recently told me that I am not interested in the face value of human connections. I'm not really that interested in small talk, I'm interested in real human connections....your essences, your quintessentiality (that's not necessarily a word), your motivations, your questions about existence, your ponderings about life, your psychological predispositions, your subconscious workings, your soul.
Sorry if that over-complicates things.....sorry to burst your bubble, but, things were never under-complicated.
I guess sometime around the age of 16 I decided that self-actualization was a goal worth striving for. That, I didn't want to just exist as a living, breathing, moving machine, just here, floating in space. I want to "be"... I want to confuse myself into a closer connection with the universe and infuse the energy of existence within my thoughts.
If you choose to ignore your natural humanity, your thinking, the thing that separates you from the everyday animal, then what are you?
I enjoy a dose of philosophy in my humans :)
What I mean to say is that a few friends of mine have recently told me that I am not interested in the face value of human connections. I'm not really that interested in small talk, I'm interested in real human connections....your essences, your quintessentiality (that's not necessarily a word), your motivations, your questions about existence, your ponderings about life, your psychological predispositions, your subconscious workings, your soul.
Sorry if that over-complicates things.....sorry to burst your bubble, but, things were never under-complicated.
I guess sometime around the age of 16 I decided that self-actualization was a goal worth striving for. That, I didn't want to just exist as a living, breathing, moving machine, just here, floating in space. I want to "be"... I want to confuse myself into a closer connection with the universe and infuse the energy of existence within my thoughts.
If you choose to ignore your natural humanity, your thinking, the thing that separates you from the everyday animal, then what are you?
Sorry, my friend, but you aren't much....and that's just boring.
It's also an ill use of your time here.
Don't just exist,
BE.
Is ignorance really bliss?It's also an ill use of your time here.
Don't just exist,
BE.
I enjoy a dose of philosophy in my humans :)
Friday, October 22, 2010
Ohhhhh. ......Oh.
I get it.
These things have an impervious sequence, not to be agitated by unorthodox ideas and actions.
These things have an impervious sequence, not to be agitated by unorthodox ideas and actions.
Goodbye Avant-Garde, my sweetheart.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
5 Tips for A Woman
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on! And doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these 4 men don't know each other.
That made me smile a little.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
You're standing on my neck.
So...
Don't you hate it when people that you only semi-knew like 5 years ago contact you now, like you knew them in a past life and your were their spouse?
I kind of hate that too.
I mean, I remember you in the hallways of my high school, but, sorry, that's it.
On another note, today I exaggerated the occupation of someone I interviewed so that I could meet the assignment requirements (we had a week to interview someone in our field). I mean, technically this person is a writer, just not mainly. And technically, a week that consists of the days between Wednesday and Wednesday, with labor day week-end falling in the middle, is not a week. I don't feel that bad about it though, considering the focus of the assignment was more centered around my personal interview and listening skills, rather than whether or not I can persuade someone into believing that they're in occupational denial.
Yep.
Plus. I have too fields.
Yep. TOO. (not two...I'm disobeying natural order and walking on the wild side and ish).
I didn't completely understand the creation or execution of that pun (too vs. 2), but I decided that here would be a good place to store it until blooming time. Then maybe water it a bit more and see if it becomes a little more witty and less obscure.
This post has been about absolutely nothing. This is what happens when you attempt to meditate, but you're one of those people who always has a thousand thoughts: instead of successfully clearing your mind, you just have acute expressive insanity for about half an hour, and then you're sleepy.
On another note:
I could really go for an episode of "Daria." I feel devoid of emotion and have heightened sarcastic retaliation defenses right now.
You know how people in the northern Mid-west and East coast have that "urban" departure phrase, "One."
Don't you hate it when people that you only semi-knew like 5 years ago contact you now, like you knew them in a past life and your were their spouse?
I kind of hate that too.
I mean, I remember you in the hallways of my high school, but, sorry, that's it.
On another note, today I exaggerated the occupation of someone I interviewed so that I could meet the assignment requirements (we had a week to interview someone in our field). I mean, technically this person is a writer, just not mainly. And technically, a week that consists of the days between Wednesday and Wednesday, with labor day week-end falling in the middle, is not a week. I don't feel that bad about it though, considering the focus of the assignment was more centered around my personal interview and listening skills, rather than whether or not I can persuade someone into believing that they're in occupational denial.
Yep.
Plus. I have too fields.
Yep. TOO. (not two...I'm disobeying natural order and walking on the wild side and ish).
I need a wild night.
I didn't completely understand the creation or execution of that pun (too vs. 2), but I decided that here would be a good place to store it until blooming time. Then maybe water it a bit more and see if it becomes a little more witty and less obscure.
For the want of wit, that I want, that I wittedly obscure....
This post has been about absolutely nothing. This is what happens when you attempt to meditate, but you're one of those people who always has a thousand thoughts: instead of successfully clearing your mind, you just have acute expressive insanity for about half an hour, and then you're sleepy.
On another note:
I could really go for an episode of "Daria." I feel devoid of emotion and have heightened sarcastic retaliation defenses right now.
You know how people in the northern Mid-west and East coast have that "urban" departure phrase, "One."
Well....TOO. (Not two.)
Word.
Word.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Cognizance.
I honestly thought you were glowing,
but memories tell pretty lies;
with dazzling and brilliant radiance,
that dances in the eyelids of the blind.
Out of fresh fallen leaves and sand
mansions and castles had risen,
on the horizon, in the sky, over yonder
standing in magnificence and finished.
Acid permeated the structures
As gray swept out through the land
Retrospection turned everything sober
Then ice froze everything over.
but memories tell pretty lies;
with dazzling and brilliant radiance,
that dances in the eyelids of the blind.
Out of fresh fallen leaves and sand
mansions and castles had risen,
on the horizon, in the sky, over yonder
standing in magnificence and finished.
Acid permeated the structures
As gray swept out through the land
Retrospection turned everything sober
Then ice froze everything over.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Forced to ignore it.
I would never force the graceful underlying racist hostility I have experienced in my short lifetime on another person. I would only want them to somehow understand, and feel ashamed.
... or at least regret.
Do you feel as uncomfortable as I do?
Do you wake up with joy in your heart for the day, only to get to your first destination and remember that you're black?
Like I would ever be allowed to forget.
Do you wake up with joy in your heart for the day, only to get to your first destination and remember that you're black?
Like I would ever be allowed to forget.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Mosquitoes are infesting the space I want to be in.
I like the way it feels outside.
My mother is annoying. She forces me to listen to her conversations by putting her correspondents on speaker phone.
And she hums loudly.
She is adept at interrupting people's thoughts.
As we drove through the neighborhood towards the house, a young man was standing in his driveway, rapping, facing the cars in the street, but no one in particular.
The warmth is like a blanket, a red one: dark, red, and smooth.
Sometimes I leave words out of sentences, but when I read them back to myself, because the thought is complete in my head, I fill in the blanks, and don't catch the mistakes.
I really hate how the mosquitoes are preventing me from being outside.
My mother is annoying. She forces me to listen to her conversations by putting her correspondents on speaker phone.
And she hums loudly.
She is adept at interrupting people's thoughts.
As we drove through the neighborhood towards the house, a young man was standing in his driveway, rapping, facing the cars in the street, but no one in particular.
The warmth is like a blanket, a red one: dark, red, and smooth.
Sometimes I leave words out of sentences, but when I read them back to myself, because the thought is complete in my head, I fill in the blanks, and don't catch the mistakes.
I really hate how the mosquitoes are preventing me from being outside.
White noise - LauraOC12
Ok. This song, is awesome.
Here's a youtuber doing what she does with her you-tube-r-y....
(this video is a bit weird, but I like the concept....the song though, is awesome).
Peep the lyrics.
Here's a youtuber doing what she does with her you-tube-r-y....
(this video is a bit weird, but I like the concept....the song though, is awesome).
Peep the lyrics.
I'm taking syllables that I want to lose meaning
And painting them in white up on the ceiling
To swim around the air while I am sleeping
And in the morning they'll be a little bit blurrier.
And one morning I'll be squinting from my bed
To make out the letters overhead
But they've blurred into a cloud up there instead
And I'm inviting you to be white paint.
Where do you send things to
When your heart ain't got no room?
'Cos I'm set on banishing
My undying love
Unwavering favor of
All the wrong things.
Those syllables will sound against my skull
To echo and overlap until they're dull
To blend in with the hum inside the walls
And I'm inviting you to be white noise.
Where do you send things to
When your heart ain't got no room?
'Cos I'm set on banishing
My undying love
Unwavering favor of
All the wrong things.
And I'd like to know how difficult is it
To recreate established laws of physics
To dwell inside the confines of a minute
Where everything just drones, null and void
And in that instant you are just white noise.
And painting them in white up on the ceiling
To swim around the air while I am sleeping
And in the morning they'll be a little bit blurrier.
And one morning I'll be squinting from my bed
To make out the letters overhead
But they've blurred into a cloud up there instead
And I'm inviting you to be white paint.
Where do you send things to
When your heart ain't got no room?
'Cos I'm set on banishing
My undying love
Unwavering favor of
All the wrong things.
Those syllables will sound against my skull
To echo and overlap until they're dull
To blend in with the hum inside the walls
And I'm inviting you to be white noise.
Where do you send things to
When your heart ain't got no room?
'Cos I'm set on banishing
My undying love
Unwavering favor of
All the wrong things.
And I'd like to know how difficult is it
To recreate established laws of physics
To dwell inside the confines of a minute
Where everything just drones, null and void
And in that instant you are just white noise.
Now get out there and do that thing you do. :)
Monday, July 19, 2010
" Nothing...
... that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we must be saved by love. "
~Reinhold Niebuhr~
Sunday, July 18, 2010
I was going to say something cool here:
but Kesh, a blogger I follow, said it for me.
"
ALONE
i am alone.i was born alone.
raised alone.
and i shall die alone.
i care for others.
but others come and go.
even kitty won't be with me until the end.
today i sat alone.
i wore no clothes.
and let the breeze run over my skin.
i thought about my future
and reminisced my past.
i am 23 years old.
and i have lived.
i have felt the heights of happiness and the depths of depression.
i have traveled to the north.
to the south.
to the east.
to the west.
i have been rich and i have been poor.
i have done things one can only dream of.
and experienced things you will only see in your nightmares.
i appreciate everything.
all emotions and experiences, good or bad, contribute to my life story.
so all i can say is this.
get out there.
do what makes you happy.
don't be afraid if nobody will come with you.
it's okay to be alone. "
Monday, July 12, 2010
Did I mention the fireworks? I forgot to mention the fireworks.
I partied hard last night. As in, the night of Saturday (for it is now technically Monday in the super early morning)....
Very, very hard. I recommend that everyone party a little bit all the time, instead of holding it in, we'll say, for the entire school year and the then busting out in like...July.
But it's okay, because I didn't party hard enough to have regrets, I don't think--I don't think I remember, but I'm almost absolutely sure there were no regrets. And I accomplished quiet a few fun things on the party list.
> Met a few cool new people.
This is my 4th-of-July-weekend-free-John-Legend-concert face.
> Got glitter all over myself.
> Danced in a parking lot. People must've thought that we were on special, new drugs. Lol.
> Participated in a successful, "Surprise!" at a surprise birthday party for a friend.
> There was sushi. :)
Well, then.
Now that I've partied hard for two weekends in a row, I should probably get back to training for this half marathon. I'm pretty sure it's in April, and I'm pretty sure I have plenty of time, but, time flies when your running with scissors.
...very hard.
Very, very hard. I recommend that everyone party a little bit all the time, instead of holding it in, we'll say, for the entire school year and the then busting out in like...July.
But it's okay, because I didn't party hard enough to have regrets, I don't think--I don't think I remember, but I'm almost absolutely sure there were no regrets. And I accomplished quiet a few fun things on the party list.
> Met a few cool new people.
...I'm kind of developing a party group. Like one of those promoter groups ... except not at all.
> Attended free concerts for artists that I (and lots of other people) would usually pay for.
(i.e. John Legend, the B-52s, and Common)
(i.e. John Legend, the B-52s, and Common)
This is my 4th-of-July-weekend-free-John-Legend-concert face.> Got glitter all over myself.
"Glitter is the HERPES of arts and crafts."
> Danced in a parking lot. People must've thought that we were on special, new drugs. Lol.
> Participated in a successful, "Surprise!" at a surprise birthday party for a friend.
> There was sushi. :)
Well, then.
Now that I've partied hard for two weekends in a row, I should probably get back to training for this half marathon. I'm pretty sure it's in April, and I'm pretty sure I have plenty of time, but, time flies when your running with scissors.
O_o
Just kidding.
Just kidding.
Any who.
13 miles.
I can't even begin to understand my motivation, but I know its in there,
somewhere.
13 miles.
I can't even begin to understand my motivation, but I know its in there,
somewhere.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I am convinced
that Apple releases and sells the beta tests of its products, and then pretends like they didn't know that there were bugs.
steve urkel voice: "Did I do that?"
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Snickering Professors...
So, I have a four hour summer school class once a week. Because of the unbearably long undergraduate time structure of this class, our professor gives us a break about halfway through the class.
...by the way if you are in a similarly long class without breaks, you should look into student labor laws; I'm pretty sure the 28th Amendment entitles you to a break at least every 2 hours of intense listening, and every one hour if the listening is composed of other classmates' oral presentations...
So, during the break, the professor and a student that the prof. has had in a past class were chatting it up. (Yep.) And they were talking about another student who attends the class (but was obviously busy taking full advantage of her break at the time).
So ...this student is slightly obnoxious. For confidentiality purposes (yeah, right) I will name her Pretty-Witty. (As in, "No shit Sherlock, you're pretty witty," being said while one was indeed not in conversation with the actual Sherlock Holmes.)
Pretty Witty gets her kicks by repeating others answers in verbal paraphrasing plagiarism scams and by looking for key words in the general discussion to comment on that will somehow make the conversation about her and completely irrelevant. For example:
-Or-
Prof: "Usually ethics come into play when two very important values or obligations butt heads... Professionals like doctors and lawyers, for example, practice confidentiality when discussing private affairs with a client, who may disclose some unsettling information if overheard...." (something like this, blah blah blah)
Pretty-Witty-A raises hand...:" One time my mother was in Parshon's restaurant, when it was still there, and she overheard a conversation of these guys talking about how much they've stolen from houses..."
It's bad enough that the school requires all media majors to take a class called "Ethics in the Media" which is kind of an insult to our intelligence as a collective student body, and which, in itself, is a paradox. (I'm sorry, the media has ethics?) O_o ... But now I am forced to listen to you regurgitate 5 minute old comments made by fellow classmates and hear about your mom, and her personal IRRELEVANT dilemmas.
...by the way if you are in a similarly long class without breaks, you should look into student labor laws; I'm pretty sure the 28th Amendment entitles you to a break at least every 2 hours of intense listening, and every one hour if the listening is composed of other classmates' oral presentations...
So, during the break, the professor and a student that the prof. has had in a past class were chatting it up. (Yep.) And they were talking about another student who attends the class (but was obviously busy taking full advantage of her break at the time).
Pretty Witty gets her kicks by repeating others answers in verbal paraphrasing plagiarism scams and by looking for key words in the general discussion to comment on that will somehow make the conversation about her and completely irrelevant. For example:
Prof: "What are some examples of society's universal morals or values?"
Random student raises hand... " Charity, like, philanthropy, giving back."
Prof: "Good, good...what else?"
Pretty-Witty A raises hand...:" Like, um, giving to the poor? You know, I read this article on how people really value the idea of giving back. That's definitely important to American society as a whole."
Random student raises hand... " Charity, like, philanthropy, giving back."
Prof: "Good, good...what else?"
Pretty-Witty A raises hand...:" Like, um, giving to the poor? You know, I read this article on how people really value the idea of giving back. That's definitely important to American society as a whole."
Hmm...I feel as if I've heard that somewhere before.
-Or-
Prof: "Usually ethics come into play when two very important values or obligations butt heads... Professionals like doctors and lawyers, for example, practice confidentiality when discussing private affairs with a client, who may disclose some unsettling information if overheard...." (something like this, blah blah blah)
Pretty-Witty-A raises hand...:" One time my mother was in Parshon's restaurant, when it was still there, and she overheard a conversation of these guys talking about how much they've stolen from houses..."
Thank you Pretty-Witty for that well-interjected comment.
It's bad enough that the school requires all media majors to take a class called "Ethics in the Media" which is kind of an insult to our intelligence as a collective student body, and which, in itself, is a paradox. (I'm sorry, the media has ethics?) O_o ... But now I am forced to listen to you regurgitate 5 minute old comments made by fellow classmates and hear about your mom, and her personal IRRELEVANT dilemmas.
Please, take a moment while applying another layer of lip gloss; rethink your comments...
Has someone already said this today?
Will this benefit the class?
...or am I just trying to share a story about myself?
Has someone already said this today?
Will this benefit the class?
...or am I just trying to share a story about myself?
Toast to all the Pretty-Witties out there.
This one's for you.
This one's for you.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The Idea is not to have your heart in a pitcher to be poured out in the first place.
So, I definitely made some lemonade this weekend.
And by lemonade, I mean a mixture of my emotions.
Yeah. So, I've been having trouble with them (the emotions) lately...well..always. But, I do feel it's more so lately because of my awareness. (I got that from a Kerry Cohen book, she says,
So yeah....back to my lemonade emotions... I definitely poured them out, and all over, and everywhere, and made a mess. I cleaned it up a little, I have pretty decent paper towels, but I remember the spill.
It went something like, "I want you."
And the response was something like, "I can't."
Now, I'm not into dealing with married men, or people under other unforeseen obligations, and just to let you know...I wasn't. He's not married nor obliged by anything unforeseen except what everyone else is unforeseenly (I know this is not a word, but it expresses my point best) obliged by.
He is however in a state where he has set up his own rules to accept the terms of others on, and basically, I broke one of those rules....not in the lemonade incident, but quite some time before.
Well, we all have our ups and downs and foes, and friends, and mistakes. And if this mistake involved a bed (or other things that should be done in one) I could see the reasoning.
But it didn't,
So I can't.
Yeah. So, I've been having trouble with them (the emotions) lately...well..always. But, I do feel it's more so lately because of my awareness. (I got that from a Kerry Cohen book, she says,
"Awareness has replaced the desperation... I don't react to the pain anymore. ...I'm now able to feel it and know what's causing it without feeling compelled to do anything about it.")
So yeah....back to my lemonade emotions... I definitely poured them out, and all over, and everywhere, and made a mess. I cleaned it up a little, I have pretty decent paper towels, but I remember the spill.
It went something like, "I want you."
And the response was something like, "I can't."
Now, I'm not into dealing with married men, or people under other unforeseen obligations, and just to let you know...I wasn't. He's not married nor obliged by anything unforeseen except what everyone else is unforeseenly (I know this is not a word, but it expresses my point best) obliged by.
He is however in a state where he has set up his own rules to accept the terms of others on, and basically, I broke one of those rules....not in the lemonade incident, but quite some time before.
Well, we all have our ups and downs and foes, and friends, and mistakes. And if this mistake involved a bed (or other things that should be done in one) I could see the reasoning.
But it didn't,
So I can't.
The funny thing is, this isn't the first time someone has told me "I can't." I have a personal hatred for this phrase now.... And...I feel like a fool:
all this time, I've been overlooking peoples major flaws (with the exception of my father) when everybody else hasn't. This simple epiphany has stunned me to the point of pissed-ness. I am kind of ....fucking ....Pissed. I've been doing this within friendships and relationships for quite some time now, and I've been feeling like a complete fool for most of the last year and a half. I even told a few people.
Fucking foolish.
Karma, my ass.
Fucking foolish.
Karma, my ass.
Treat people how they treat you.
Protect yourself.
And... The idea is not to have your heart in a pitcher to be poured out in the first place.
Protect yourself.
And... The idea is not to have your heart in a pitcher to be poured out in the first place.
I just have so many pitchers around here.
What am I supposed to do with all these?
What am I supposed to do with all these?
Sunday, June 13, 2010
The Venn Diagram.
I really wish that I could sleep naked. Yes, I said it. It's not that I actually am some sort of neo-clothes-burning hippie, it's just that I'd enjoy the option of being able to choose whether or not I would like to use attire in my room, in my dwelling place. I don't say "house" because it's not my house, it's my mother's. And it feels like it's just as much my sisters' and my brothers, and from time to time his friends', but not mine. I want something that's mine.
Selfish? Possibly. Unreasonable? No. I just wonder what it feels like to have the space; to have a place with a space in it that is my own. Yes, I have a room at my mother's house, but I don't think it's big enough to hold my thoughts. Plus, I like the idea of existing within my own small anarchy. Just my rules, in my little world, where I can change with the wind, or be static and no one question me about it, or think something is wrong because I'm not sharing enough of myself or my time with others existent in this conglomerate of worlds. Nothing is wrong, except that now I am forced to explain to you that nothing is wrong.
Get a job, move out. I know, I know; I'm working on it. But right now the job market is looking dim for someone who will not be able to devout 40 hrs to it during the school year, or someone who will not do it for free (we call those internships in my world). And... I plan on studying abroad. It would be pretty much 100% illogical to know one plans to study abroad and then move out to waste money.
Well, guess I'll kind of simmer down here in my foreign space, for now I'll try to appear as though I'm peacefully dwelling in my I'm-too-old-for-this I-really-just-like-the-quiet-too-much-for-5-people place and deal with this ever pressing and ever increasingly-annoying dilemma. Geesh.
Selfish? Possibly. Unreasonable? No. I just wonder what it feels like to have the space; to have a place with a space in it that is my own. Yes, I have a room at my mother's house, but I don't think it's big enough to hold my thoughts. Plus, I like the idea of existing within my own small anarchy. Just my rules, in my little world, where I can change with the wind, or be static and no one question me about it, or think something is wrong because I'm not sharing enough of myself or my time with others existent in this conglomerate of worlds. Nothing is wrong, except that now I am forced to explain to you that nothing is wrong.
Get a job, move out. I know, I know; I'm working on it. But right now the job market is looking dim for someone who will not be able to devout 40 hrs to it during the school year, or someone who will not do it for free (we call those internships in my world). And... I plan on studying abroad. It would be pretty much 100% illogical to know one plans to study abroad and then move out to waste money.
Well, guess I'll kind of simmer down here in my foreign space, for now I'll try to appear as though I'm peacefully dwelling in my I'm-too-old-for-this I-really-just-like-the-quiet-too-much-for-5-people place and deal with this ever pressing and ever increasingly-annoying dilemma. Geesh.
Oh, nakedness. Where are thou?
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
While watching 3 minutes of "So You Can Dance" with my sister.
...I heard this song in someone's audition. It's pretty much awesome.
Ron Pope - You're the reason I come home
*does new music shimmy*
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Re-post: Things I would break up with guys over.
This is a re-post from:
________________________________________________
Things I would break up with boys over:
Breathing loudly while eating
Bringing me to a party and ignoring me for a few hours
Telling me many women thought he was gay
Self-explanatory.
Being bad at sex and/or a subpar kisser
Embarrassing myself in front of them
Telling me to put something down in a louder-than-normal voice
If you’re yelling at me over putting down a bag of fast food on your coffee table because you haven’t eaten in t-minus 2 hours, you can safely assume you will not be taking off this incredibly cute summer dress that I’m wearing.
Being a Republican and/or conservative
I don’t like to take sides, but if you don’t believe in universal health care I just cannot bring myself to sleep with you.
Texting me “hey” and/or “hey what’s up”
You can do better than this. And if you can’t, there isn’t a girl in the world who wants to know you. It should be noted that texting “What are you doing right now?” or “How is your day going so far, holmes?” is perfectly acceptable.
- A bad smell. Any bad smell.
- Sucking at grammar, colloquialisms or idioms.
- Wearing socks during sex.
- Bad shoes. Short pants. Either or.
- Using a Bluetooth headset.
- Acting weird about things that aren’t weird and other versions of trying to be cool.
- Trying to be “wacky”
- Having bad facial hair.
- Saying monogamy is boring and other obvious statements that make me think you might have an STI.
- Telling me you don’t like my haircut. For reals. I will cut a bitch.
- Trying weird sexual stuff without ASKING first.
- Judging me for indulging in pop culture (this includes top 40, house music, blockbuster movies, vampire tv shows, reality tv, perezhilton.com and anything else I didn’t mention but is occasionally awesome).
- Asking to have a threesome. Do you know what I hear when you ask this? “I would like to fuck another girl, have you watch and you be okay with it. Can we arrange that?”
- Owning a cat. That is ONLY yours and that you bought yourself.
- Spooning me like a girl. I mean fuck, if our toes are touching, you’re doing it wrong.
- Buying me useless things.
- Being too old for me and trying to compensate by acting younger. Being too old for me on its own is okay though.
- Being good friends with a bunch of bitchy girls. You know they are, and I don’t even want to get into it.
- Not liking to cuddle. What are you, a sociopath?
- Baldness. I’m really sorry about this one. But I’m really not.
- Getting mad at me when I can’t figure something out. If we’re going to be together, you’re going to need to exercise your patience bone while I try to figure out how to get out of the fucking corner with my gun pointed towards the ceiling in Call of Duty.
- Only caring about sex or not caring about sex at all. This is perhaps more troubling, and makes me very suspicious.
I’m actually totally okay with living a solitary existence. Can’t wait.
_______________________________________________________________
I am pretty much in agreement with all of these, especially the ones in bold.... but to add a few to the list:
(please note that this picture is 100% irrelevant to this post, but was put here to break up the monotony of words and letters that may be too much for you to handle. So, it's like a public service...in jpeg form...)
Major turn-offs...
- having secret children that you've neglected to inform me about
- having children (I can get in, but I still get carded....I'm just not prepared to handle knowing the amount of responsibility you have to handle) (notice children is plural, but I imagine I would remain as skeptical with one...)
- having more pictures of yourself on facebook than Tom has friends on myspace (you go out that much? when do you sleep, when do you read?)
- having too many friends on facebook (I really promise that unless you're a celebrity, a dj, professional photographer, or you OWN something (as in a business) there is really no way for you to know 1,914 people. really.)
- only speaking in "anime" references (sorry I don't have time to watch 153 episodes of a show from Japan at least 10 years old. I tried. I failed. The end.)
- liking the eskimo rubbing nose thing in place of kissing (I don't care what ANYONE says, this is weird and it creeps me out)
- believing Kanye West's Stronger was an original song (he sampled Daft Punk, and if you love Kanye too much to see that, well then... and for the record, I have and like all of Kanye's albums except 808's and Heartbreak- it was just too weird.)
- not understanding my weird liking for office supplies. I like to write; this tends to happen in offices or with tools that can be found in offices. It makes sense, right.....RIGHT?
What are some of your major turn-offs?????
So.
oh....and this is my favorite website right now...
http://www.thisisrealmusic.com/
Check, check, check it ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttt!
*insert thumbs up here*
http://www.thisisrealmusic.com/
Check, check, check it ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttt!
*insert thumbs up here*
Bored.
So bored that I've decided to turn this summer into the cocoon of my butterfly of super-genius-ness. Yep, that's right, I've decided to teach myself about computers and become C+ or C++ certified or whatever...and I want to get all up in those Adobe certifications too. You know, be a CS4 + Dreamweaver wizard and such. Yep, yep, and I'm staring with this book:
I'm on Chapter 3... "Processor types and specifications"
O_o. <<< :)
I'm on Chapter 3... "Processor types and specifications"
O_o. <<< :)
Saturday, May 15, 2010
yep.
Yep, yep, yep
I knew this would happen.
I knew I’d make the mistake of falling for you
and sacrifice my pride for your pleasure
I wish I was stronger
but I’m not.
I knew I’d make the mistake of thinking you were falling for me
I feel like you tricked me
like you’re not allowed to suffer
and it all works out
in Disney movies
but not here, not when you play with real people.
Somehow you’ve managed to separate me from my soul
I’m disconnected with my intentions
which are bound to my intuitions
and which I’ve ignored.
And, lately, you’ve been playing these games with me
these fun little tic-tac-toe sessions
and I’m always the “x”
I feel like your target
I am, aren’t I?
I’m what you aimed for
and you bring me down
and you act like you like me,
and you confess love
when its sounds goods
and when it rolls off your tongue
and you hurt the non-person
this someone.
But, oh, I‘ve got to end it
it has to stop here
I seldom confront you on anything
and you’ve always been playing these games with me
and I’m bitter.
I wish I stood up for myself sooner,
instead of letting it build up and around
all that letting was time wasted.
I am a real person
and you don’t have to treat me like one
but, I do.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Complaining.
Ok. So I've realized that I complain a lot.
Now, sometimes I think there is just cause; our society gives a bad connotation to the word "complain" which is defined as:
complain: 1) to express grief, pain, or discontent (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
I, just typically tend to possess an unbalanced amount of discontent for my world, that's all... and... I like soap boxes. (Who with a brain has never figuratively stepped on a soap box before? Come on, don't judge me....)
Well, today I was belittled by my professor. (Sometimes I seriously think it has to do with my ethnicity. I really am the only African-American in a few of my classes, and it can be discouraging.) I complained about a reading amount I was given in another course (he inquired), and he replied with, as an English major, I should get used to reading. I will have to do it a lot.
Now, sometimes I think there is just cause; our society gives a bad connotation to the word "complain" which is defined as:
complain: 1) to express grief, pain, or discontent (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
I, just typically tend to possess an unbalanced amount of discontent for my world, that's all... and... I like soap boxes. (Who with a brain has never figuratively stepped on a soap box before? Come on, don't judge me....)
Well, today I was belittled by my professor. (Sometimes I seriously think it has to do with my ethnicity. I really am the only African-American in a few of my classes, and it can be discouraging.) I complained about a reading amount I was given in another course (he inquired), and he replied with, as an English major, I should get used to reading. I will have to do it a lot.
Hey:
Thank you flippin' Sherlock,
No shit.
I love reading; I don't love not having enough time to complete all the homework of all of my classes (I aim to be a well-prepared student, and by well-prepared, I mean the most prepared [it's a dog-eat-dog world suckas]). This remark he made nicked at my pride for the whole 3-hour class period. (I have quite a bit of pride; and hey, I've earned it.) I've been through this before, in high school, that institutionalized racism overrun place that thought I was stupid because of my demographics. If I didn't practically fall out of my desk raising my hand to answer questions because I preferred not to speak up, the As on my homework and tests were suspicious. WTF. I don't care for cheaters, and I definitely would not cheat on something that took little effort to learn.
This situation has taught me two valuable things: Don't talk in Audio 1 class because I don't earn a participation grade and this is not my major any-flippin'-way; and, STOP COMPLAINING.
Whether or not I tell everyone that I would prefer to commit suicide rather than complete the everlasting storm that is my homework, it still needs to be done, and they can't do anything about it (except, well, of course, do it for me: which most people aren't really into, but if I find a potential candidate who I can entrust will make the As that I strive for....).
Lastly, I would like to say F U slightly witty, professor I-usually-find-pleasantly-amusing-but-you-just-lost-cool-points, Emo-douchey teacher-guy. I will not be belittled by the likes of you. I live in the hood, which really doesn't mean I will do anything, but do take note, I am desensitized, so if anything happens, I am not likely to care.
Take your I'm not-following trends but I wear black-rimmed eye glasses and go drink a fizz-filled purified Pelegrino or something.
Thank you flippin' Sherlock,
No shit.
I love reading; I don't love not having enough time to complete all the homework of all of my classes (I aim to be a well-prepared student, and by well-prepared, I mean the most prepared [it's a dog-eat-dog world suckas]). This remark he made nicked at my pride for the whole 3-hour class period. (I have quite a bit of pride; and hey, I've earned it.) I've been through this before, in high school, that institutionalized racism overrun place that thought I was stupid because of my demographics. If I didn't practically fall out of my desk raising my hand to answer questions because I preferred not to speak up, the As on my homework and tests were suspicious. WTF. I don't care for cheaters, and I definitely would not cheat on something that took little effort to learn.
This situation has taught me two valuable things: Don't talk in Audio 1 class because I don't earn a participation grade and this is not my major any-flippin'-way; and, STOP COMPLAINING.
Whether or not I tell everyone that I would prefer to commit suicide rather than complete the everlasting storm that is my homework, it still needs to be done, and they can't do anything about it (except, well, of course, do it for me: which most people aren't really into, but if I find a potential candidate who I can entrust will make the As that I strive for....).
Lastly, I would like to say F U slightly witty, professor I-usually-find-pleasantly-amusing-but-you-just-lost-cool-points, Emo-douchey teacher-guy. I will not be belittled by the likes of you. I live in the hood, which really doesn't mean I will do anything, but do take note, I am desensitized, so if anything happens, I am not likely to care.
Take your I'm not-following trends but I wear black-rimmed eye glasses and go drink a fizz-filled purified Pelegrino or something.
I, personally like Fiji. (and tap)
That was me sticking it to the man.
It is ironic, however that this blog is a complaint, although, the complaining I am attempting to halt is my (literal) voiced complaints.
That's enough of this.
Goodbye.
That was me sticking it to the man.
It is ironic, however that this blog is a complaint, although, the complaining I am attempting to halt is my (literal) voiced complaints.
That's enough of this.
Goodbye.
Friday, February 19, 2010
slow progressing insanity.
Whew.
Homework has been chasing me since January 11th and I'm hiding behind a small corner right now, like, literally I can most likely spare the next 30 minutes to "relax" (i.e. breathe).
Inhale.
So I've been debating whether or not I should join the exec. board of this campus organization I participate in. It's not Student Government (which I've done pre-transfer), but I will still have lots of obligations....and lots of homework, like I have now (which seems to be the direct reason that my social life has diminished to about 4% of its previous existence).
That 4% being mostly shorthand how-do-you-dos in between classes and studying mind pauses.
The papers jutting out of the left side pf the photo are my whatever-class's assignments, and hence the laptop, which is what people in the 21st century use to do their homework.
This is what my social outings have been reduced to.
But it can't be that bad, right?
I am officially in need of an alcohol intervention. Specifically, I need someone to intervene my homework with alcohol.
There are 3 papers waiting to be created, two midterms to commence and complete studification (I know that that's not a word, but I know that you know what it means anyway) and review of, and choir music to be rehearsed and performed, all this weekend.
And here I am, soap-box blogging.
Exhale.
Oh, shit-
Homework has been chasing me since January 11th and I'm hiding behind a small corner right now, like, literally I can most likely spare the next 30 minutes to "relax" (i.e. breathe).
Inhale.
So I've been debating whether or not I should join the exec. board of this campus organization I participate in. It's not Student Government (which I've done pre-transfer), but I will still have lots of obligations....and lots of homework, like I have now (which seems to be the direct reason that my social life has diminished to about 4% of its previous existence).
That 4% being mostly shorthand how-do-you-dos in between classes and studying mind pauses.
The papers jutting out of the left side pf the photo are my whatever-class's assignments, and hence the laptop, which is what people in the 21st century use to do their homework.This is what my social outings have been reduced to.
But it can't be that bad, right?
I am officially in need of an alcohol intervention. Specifically, I need someone to intervene my homework with alcohol.There are 3 papers waiting to be created, two midterms to commence and complete studification (I know that that's not a word, but I know that you know what it means anyway) and review of, and choir music to be rehearsed and performed, all this weekend.
And here I am, soap-box blogging.
Exhale.
Oh, shit-
taki
mushrooms:
guess I better get started.
:\
:\
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