I am convinced

that Apple releases and sells the beta tests of its products, and then pretends like they didn't know that there were bugs.

steve urkel voice: "Did I do that?"

I want a fortune cookie,

not a vague statement cookie.

"You will be valued greatly."

GEEeZ.

Where did he go?

Snickering Professors...

So, I have a four hour summer school class once a week. Because of the unbearably long undergraduate time structure of this class, our professor gives us a break about halfway through the class.

...by the way if you are in a similarly long class without breaks, you should look into student labor laws; I'm pretty sure the 28th Amendment entitles you to a break at least every 2 hours of intense listening, and every one hour if the listening is composed of other classmates' oral presentations...

So, during the break, the professor and a student that the prof. has had in a past class were chatting it up. (Yep.) And they were talking about another student who attends the class (but was obviously busy taking full advantage of her break at the time).

So ...this student is slightly obnoxious. For confidentiality purposes (yeah, right) I will name her Pretty-Witty. (As in, "No shit Sherlock, you're pretty witty," being said while one was indeed not in conversation with the actual Sherlock Holmes.)

Pretty Witty gets her kicks by repeating others answers in verbal paraphrasing plagiarism scams and by looking for key words in the general discussion to comment on that will somehow make the conversation about her and completely irrelevant. For example:

Prof: "What are some examples of society's universal morals or values?"

Random student raises hand... " Charity, like, philanthropy, giving back."

Prof: "Good, good...what else?"

Pretty-Witty A raises hand...:" Like, um, giving to the poor? You know, I read this article on how people really value the idea of giving back. That's definitely important to American society as a whole."

Hmm...I feel as if I've heard that somewhere before.

-Or-

Prof: "Usually ethics come into play when two very important values or obligations butt heads... Professionals like doctors and lawyers, for example, practice confidentiality when discussing private affairs with a client, who may disclose some unsettling information if overheard...." (something like this, blah blah blah)

Pretty-Witty-A raises hand...:" One time my mother was in Parshon's restaurant, when it was still there, and she overheard a conversation of these guys talking about how much they've stolen from houses..."

Thank you Pretty-Witty for that well-interjected comment.

It's bad enough that the school requires all media majors to take a class called "Ethics in the Media" which is kind of an insult to our intelligence as a collective student body, and which, in itself, is a paradox. (I'm sorry, the media has ethics?) O_o ... But now I am forced to listen to you regurgitate 5 minute old comments made by fellow classmates and hear about your mom, and her personal IRRELEVANT dilemmas.

Please, take a moment while applying another layer of lip gloss; rethink your comments...
Has someone already said this today?
Will this benefit the class?
...or am I just trying to share a story about myself?

Toast to all the Pretty-Witties out there.
This one's for you.

The Idea is not to have your heart in a pitcher to be poured out in the first place.

So, I definitely made some lemonade this weekend.

And by lemonade, I mean a mixture of my emotions.

Yeah. So, I've been having trouble with them (the emotions) lately...well..always. But, I do feel it's more so lately because of my awareness. (I got that from a Kerry Cohen book, she says,

"Awareness has replaced the desperation... I don't react to the pain anymore. ...I'm now able to feel it and know what's causing it without feeling compelled to do anything about it.")

So yeah....back to my lemonade emotions... I definitely poured them out, and all over, and everywhere, and made a mess. I cleaned it up a little, I have pretty decent paper towels, but I remember the spill.
It went something like, "I want you."

And the response was something like, "I can't."


Now, I'm not into dealing with married men, or people under other unforeseen obligations, and just to let you know...I wasn't. He's not married nor obliged by anything unforeseen except what everyone else is unforeseenly (I know this is not a word, but it expresses my point best) obliged by.

He is however in a state where he has set up his own rules to accept the terms of others on, and basically, I broke one of those rules....not in the lemonade incident, but quite some time before.

Well, we all have our ups and downs and foes, and friends, and mistakes. And if this mistake involved a bed (or other things that should be done in one) I could see the reasoning.

But it didn't,
So I can't.

The funny thing is, this isn't the first time someone has told me "I can't." I have a personal hatred for this phrase now.... And...I feel like a fool:

all this time, I've been overlooking peoples major flaws (with the exception of my father) when everybody else hasn't. This simple epiphany has stunned me to the point of pissed-ness. I am kind of ....fucking ....Pissed. I've been doing this within friendships and relationships for quite some time now, and I've been feeling like a complete fool for most of the last year and a half. I even told a few people.



Fucking foolish.

Karma, my ass.

Treat people how they treat you.
Protect yourself.
And... The idea is not to have your heart in a pitcher to be poured out in the first place.

I just have so many pitchers around here.
What am I supposed to do with all these?

The Venn Diagram.

I really wish that I could sleep naked. Yes, I said it. It's not that I actually am some sort of neo-clothes-burning hippie, it's just that I'd enjoy the option of being able to choose whether or not I would like to use attire in my room, in my dwelling place. I don't say "house" because it's not my house, it's my mother's. And it feels like it's just as much my sisters' and my brothers, and from time to time his friends', but not mine. I want something that's mine.

Selfish? Possibly. Unreasonable? No. I just wonder what it feels like to have the space; to have a place with a space in it that is my own. Yes, I have a room at my mother's house, but I don't think it's big enough to hold my thoughts. Plus, I like the idea of existing within my own small anarchy. Just my rules, in my little world, where I can change with the wind, or be static and no one question me about it, or think something is wrong because I'm not sharing enough of myself or my time with others existent in this conglomerate of worlds. Nothing is wrong, except that now I am forced to explain to you that nothing is wrong.

Get a job, move out. I know, I know; I'm working on it. But right now the job market is looking dim for someone who will not be able to devout 40 hrs to it during the school year, or someone who will not do it for free (we call those internships in my world). And... I plan on studying abroad. It would be pretty much 100% illogical to know one plans to study abroad and then move out to waste money.

Well, guess I'll kind of simmer down here in my foreign space, for now I'll try to appear as though I'm peacefully dwelling in my I'm-too-old-for-this I-really-just-like-the-quiet-too-much-for-5-people place and deal with this ever pressing and ever increasingly-annoying dilemma. Geesh.

Oh, nakedness. Where are thou?

While watching 3 minutes of "So You Can Dance" with my sister.

...I heard this song in someone's audition. It's pretty much awesome.

Ron Pope - You're the reason I come home

*does new music shimmy*