Forced to ignore it.

I would never force the graceful underlying racist hostility I have experienced in my short lifetime on another person. I would only want them to somehow understand, and feel ashamed.

... or at least regret.

Do you feel as uncomfortable as I do?
Do you wake up with joy in your heart for the day, only to get to your first destination and remember that you're black?
Like I would ever be allowed to forget.

Mosquitoes are infesting the space I want to be in.

I like the way it feels outside.
My mother is annoying. She forces me to listen to her conversations by putting her correspondents on speaker phone.
And she hums loudly.
She is adept at interrupting people's thoughts.

As we drove through the neighborhood towards the house, a young man was standing in his driveway, rapping, facing the cars in the street, but no one in particular.

The warmth is like a blanket, a red one: dark, red, and smooth.

Sometimes I leave words out of sentences, but when I read them back to myself, because the thought is complete in my head, I fill in the blanks, and don't catch the mistakes.

I really hate how the mosquitoes are preventing me from being outside.

White noise - LauraOC12

Ok. This song, is awesome.

Here's a youtuber doing what she does with her you-tube-r-y....

(this video is a bit weird, but I like the concept....the song though, is awesome).




Peep the lyrics.

I'm taking syllables that I want to lose meaning
And painting them in white up on the ceiling
To swim around the air while I am sleeping
And in the morning they'll be a little bit blurrier.

And one morning I'll be squinting from my bed
To make out the letters overhead
But they've blurred into a cloud up there instead
And I'm inviting you to be white paint.

Where do you send things to
When your heart ain't got no room?
'Cos I'm set on banishing
My undying love
Unwavering favor of
All the wrong things.

Those syllables will sound against my skull
To echo and overlap until they're dull
To blend in with the hum inside the walls
And I'm inviting you to be white noise.

Where do you send things to
When your heart ain't got no room?
'Cos I'm set on banishing
My undying love
Unwavering favor of
All the wrong things.

And I'd like to know how difficult is it
To recreate established laws of physics
To dwell inside the confines of a minute
Where everything just drones, null and void
And in that instant you are just white noise.

Now get out there and do that thing you do. :)

" Nothing...

... that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we must be saved by love. "

~Reinhold Niebuhr~

I was going to say something cool here:

but Kesh, a blogger I follow, said it for me.

"

ALONE

i am alone.
i was born alone.
raised alone.
and i shall die alone.
i care for others.
but others come and go.
even kitty won't be with me until the end.
today i sat alone.
i wore no clothes.
and let the breeze run over my skin.
i thought about my future
and reminisced my past.
i am 23 years old.
and i have lived.
i have felt the heights of happiness and the depths of depression.
i have traveled to the north.
to the south.
to the east.
to the west.
i have been rich and i have been poor.
i have done things one can only dream of.
and experienced things you will only see in your nightmares.
i appreciate everything.
all emotions and experiences, good or bad, contribute to my life story.
so all i can say is this.
get out there.
do what makes you happy.
don't be afraid if nobody will come with you.

it's okay to be alone. "

this post @ Kesh's Blog.

Happy Hunting.

Did I mention the fireworks? I forgot to mention the fireworks.

I partied hard last night. As in, the night of Saturday (for it is now technically Monday in the super early morning)....

...very hard.

Very, very hard. I recommend that everyone party a little bit all the time, instead of holding it in, we'll say, for the entire school year and the then busting out in like...July.

But it's okay, because I didn't party hard enough to have regrets, I don't think--I don't think I remember, but I'm almost absolutely sure there were no regrets. And I accomplished quiet a few fun things on the party list.

> Met a few cool new people.

...I'm kind of developing a party group. Like one of those promoter groups ... except not at all.

> Attended free concerts for artists that I (and lots of other people) would usually pay for.
(i.e. John Legend, the B-52s, and Common)

This is my 4th-of-July-weekend-free-John-Legend-concert face.

> Got glitter all over myself.

"Glitter is the HERPES of arts and crafts."

> Danced in a parking lot. People must've thought that we were on special, new drugs. Lol.

> Participated in a successful, "Surprise!" at a surprise birthday party for a friend.

> There was sushi. :)

Well, then.
Now that I've partied hard for two weekends in a row, I should probably get back to training for this half marathon. I'm pretty sure it's in April, and I'm pretty sure I have plenty of time, but, time flies when your running with scissors.

O_o

Just kidding.

Any who.
13 miles.
I can't even begin to understand my motivation, but I know its in there,
somewhere.